It might be hard to believe at this point, but Newsweek was once a real, reputable news source.

Now it is a joke just like 99 percent of what we call mainstream media.

It’s a shame really that so many of our once trusted sources for unbiased news coverage are now parodies of themselves but at this point it is almost impossible to know what is real and what is fake.

The only thing that seems certain is that President Donald Trump hits the nail on the head every time he calls out the fake news.

How else do you explain the following?

On Monday, Newsweek ran a hard-hitting investigative piece in the politics section of their website entitled: “Donald Trump stole pancakes and forgot a relative was dead while visiting family, cousin claims.”

The story was written by David Brennan, who is currently a World News reporter for Newsweek.

According to his bio, prior to joining Newsweek in early 2017, he reported on British politics and global current affairs as a staff writer at International Business Times.

He has also held reporting roles at a selection of trade publications covering the healthcare, transport and property industries.

Nowhere under his credits is he listed as a writer for Saturday Night Live, Mad Magazine or the Onion.

Instead, he is considered a legit journalist tasked with reporting – not commentating – on World News.

According to Brennen’s story, one of Trump’s distant cousins, Alice MacKay, is alleging that the 45th president once stole a handful of flat cakes (as she called them) while on vacation at his late mother’s former home in Scotland.

According to a story in The National — a Scottish Newspaper that Brennen uses as the source for his story for Newsweek – the 79-year-old woman said Trump “is an unpleasant man who has never used any of his wealth to help his mother’s local community, even though his mom was a nice lady.”

“I don’t like the man at all, he’s so unlike his mother and father.” She said, adding that Mary Anne and Fred Trump were “lovely parents, I don’t know what went wrong with him. My mum and dad were second cousins. Every time they were over here, they came to our (house) for dinner.”

Brennen then describes how Mackay told The National that on one visit to her homeland the future president committed two social faux pas in quick succession that angered her to no end.

“He was here one morning (and) I was busy making pancakes and he had forgotten my husband had died,” she said. “He put a few pancakes in [his] pocket and never said ‘cheerio’ or anything.”

According to Brennen, “The White House did not immediately respond to Newsweek’s request for comment regarding the allegation of theft.”

By the way, this alleged flap jack fiasco and social snub all happened in 2008.

According to The National, during that trip Trump also visited his mother’s former home in the village of Tong in the northeast of the Isle of Lewis and spent “just 97 seconds in the home where his mother was raised alongside nine siblings.”

Well, that seals it: Trump is also a narcissistic kleptomaniac.

#Impeach him now.

The good news here is there were no cigars or interns involved. All is quiet at Chappaquiddick. Nobody deleted any emails. Nobody had an affair with Marilyn Monroe. Watergate is secure. There still aren’t any weapons of mass destruction in Iraq (that we know of). And the Contras are no more.

Unfortunately, I think Brennen missed the real story here: Trump’s connection to Scotland and Scotland’s connection to Russia.

Follow the dots, folks.

According to a story published in March 2019 in The Scotsman (note: Scotsman seems like a politically incorrect name), Vladimir Putin has had his sights set on Scotland since returning to the Kremlin in 2012 because he wants to weaken the Atlantic alliance, to divide NATO, and to undermine the European Union.

He is particularly interested in small European states, whether established or aspirant, and sees them as weak links in the Euro-Atlantic community, vulnerable to Russia’s malign influence.

In the Scottish nationalist movement, “Putin sees an opportunity to weaken and divide the UK, which has long been a thorn in the Kremlin’s side.”

It’s really the perfect place to target because ties between the two countries are deep and go back hundreds of years.

According to Emily Warner from the website historyofscotland.com, there have been many links between Scotland and Russia over the centuries, which vary from Scottish doctors to soldiers living in Russia. Many Scotsmen made a name for themselves working for important figures such as the Tsar from the period 1704 onwards. This included thirteen Scottish doctors who were personal physicians to the Tsar.

Scottish soldiers even played a part during the rule of Ivan the Terrible.

And here’s where it gets good: According to Warner, Scottish architects helped in the evolution of Russian buildings and stamped their mark on Russia in the process. “The architectural contributions made by the Scots helped creat renowned structures and made Russia what it is today,” she writes.

And how did Trump – the son of a Scottish born woman and the owner of both a golf course and luxury resort in Scotland — make a name for himself?

As a real estate developer.

Architecture. Real estate. Scotland. Russia. Trump. Pancakes.

Bears. Beats. Battlestar Galactica.

It all makes sense now.

Quick, somebody call Jerry Nadler and the Pulitzer people.

I’ve cracked the case.

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